11 October 2018

It's OK to Not Have it All

I've wanted to write something like this for a while, but nothing I wrote seemed to be right, or feel enough, and honestly I was a little scared of the reaction. We're fully in the age of the "girl boss" right now, where quotes such as "you can have it all" are pushed upon women, so much to the point that if we can't figure out how to have it all we feel like a failure in this modern world. Well - I'm a woman - I can't have it all - and that's okay.

I'm just going to say it - I honestly don't think you can have it all. At least not the "all" that's pushed upon us at every twist and turn. By having it all we're expected to have a great, successful career, an active social life with a group of amazing friends, a #couplegoals relationship, Instagram worthy holidays, the latest style picks and a beautifully designed home. And that's just the tip of the iceberg...
I think this meme sums it up personally - if you honestly try to do everything and have it all, you're going to drive yourself mad. I don't have it all - at least not the "typical" all. Don't get me wrong, I have some amazing aspects to me life and I'm very lucky in a lot of ways. But there are parts of my life that suffer when I try to take on too much and do too much. Like any other frigging human being. We're not machines, we're human and we fall down sometimes.
For the last few years I feel like I've been trying to do too much. In 2014 I got my first proper marketing job, was commuting to London everyday, and bought my first house. 2 of the most stressful things you can do in one year. In 2015 I got engaged, started planning my wedding and moved job at the tail end of the year. Again - 2 big things. 2016 was all about the wedding, planning and trying to excel at my job and prove myself. 2017 hit and it was a case of hen party planning, selling and buying our next house, and starting another new job (that was all in the space of 2 months...). Then this year, I did a Diploma, got a promotion, planned 2 baby showers, helping with one hen party - and my cat also lost his leg and I was diagnosed with PCOS. It's been a bit manic and I feel like I've never really stopped. But because of everything going on, I do feel like other parts of my life tend to get left behind or forgotten. Blogging is usually the first thing that gets forgotten, exercise isn't far behind and then there's my social life.
Because of everything by the time I get to the evening, or the weekend, I'm just too tired to go out and be social, or do anything. I'm very lucky that my best friend is as happy as I am to just sit on the sofa, watch TV and do nothing, but not everyone is the same so it makes it hard to maintain those friendships. And then I also notice that because work is going so well, it tends to be a part of a lot of my conversions and my reply to how's life, how are you. Work usually comes up pretty quickly. Which I'm not okay with.
I don't think it's because I'm rubbish at juggling my life, I think it's because it's impossible to do and have everything. You need to find a balance, and you need to prioritise what's most important to you and create your own "all". It may not be the same as the person sat next to you on a train, or the person you text the most - it may not even be the same as the person you sleep next to every night. But it has to be right for you. So for me, I'm going to try and take things a bit easier for the next couple of years - no more job switches, no more house moves, no more diplomas. I like my job, so I know I'm happy to settle into is as I am and for the first time in years I haven't been looking at promotions and progression, and because of that I've been able to focus a lot more on my health, exercise and blogging. My social life could still do with some work, but I'm getting there. By trying to have it all, and trying to do it all at the same time, I only neglected myself. So from now on - my "all", is to look after me. Make sure I'm happy and healthy, and the rest will follow.
What's your all?
Much love, Lisa May x

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